There are two ways to look at time as it passes by when you are a PCV (Peace Corp Volunteer). Either you look at each day as another day closer to your last day here. You countdown day in and day out until you finally reach your release date (this is sounding a lot like being in prison). Or, you can look at each day as another day you pushed yourself to be better; another day that you didn’t throw in the towel. You didn’t give up on yourself and you worked hard to put another wonderful day to rest.
This is my giant wall calendar. I make a new one every month and mark important events with sticky notes.
Each day I cross off with a large purple "X"
Some days I feel like I am marking off the days until I am finished. I feel as if each “X” is another “X” closer to the day I have completed my obligation. But, most days I look at each “X” as another accomplishment; another day that I have done something wonderful just by being positive.
When I mark the “X” it looks the same, no matter what my feelings are as I mark it. I look out at month after month of purple “X”s on my walls and I can not distinguish which days were accomplishment “X”s and which day’s were countdown “X”s. They are indistinguishable from one another. However, for that single moment I drag my marker across the day’s square I know what that “X” means, and I try to make every day, every time I leave that mark, mean that I made it through another day and I am happy to be here. That mark is a little way of reminding myself that I am proud of myself for being here, and I am not measuring my life by the days until I move on to the next chapter, but I am measuring the days individually as they pass. No longer do I think about “returning to my life.” Right now I am living my life. This IS my life, and I embrace it every day with a single purple “X” and a smile.
Again you amaze me with your way with words. I truly get that you are living your life and so proud of the way you are doing it. You are truly amazing (I may be a little bit bias) and I love you.